It looks like you wrote it really fast. I agree with the others: it is prose, and the runover sentences are more like narrative poetry than actual fiction. It's good nonetheless. I can feel for the characters in it.
And maybe you should add more imagery, simply by saying something about her living in a filthy trailer park or something along the lines.
And the spelling! Under the table where you type, there's a button that says "Spell Check". Try it sometime.
Otherwise, fascinating!
Points: 1108
Reviews: 404
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